I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Soap is not a condiment
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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