i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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