It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
