I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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