does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
