Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
