I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
