when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Alive.
So much puke
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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