guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
