he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
