Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just want nice things and good sex
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
