I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
