People in love make me want to vomit
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
