Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
