It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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