When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
