P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
