Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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