This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
