The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
