he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
