I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
