Princesses don't give blow jobs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize