I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
