im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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