If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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