Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
