Swine flu. Run for my life!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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