The maid of honor just puked.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
