Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize