i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
