Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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