I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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