So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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