I hate your face
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize