I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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