I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
