I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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