I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
