I met the friendliest cop last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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