wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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