If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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