the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
