somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize