How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
