remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
