get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My bed smells like the plague
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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