Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
