So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FUCK WHALES
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