What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
