He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
