are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
