This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
