I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
