kristin has been a bad kristin
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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