Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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