Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
