she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
