you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
