apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
