Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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