it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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