A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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