I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bring me that man meat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
