saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
