You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
