ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
