I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
