If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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