apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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