I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
