There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
