one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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