Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize