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my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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