Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
