tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
