singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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