He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
