I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
