She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
