you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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