Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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