tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
