new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
