My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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