Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
