everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
